


Not breathing to feel you: Alternate ending.

by Dalankar



Category: DBSK|Tohoshinki|TVXQ, Super Junior
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-05-15
Updated: 2013-05-15
Packaged: 2017-12-11 22:34:23
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,575
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/803999
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Dalankar/pseuds/Dalankar
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>What if Donghae gets to choose...</p>
            </blockquote>





	Not breathing to feel you: Alternate ending.

**Author's Note:**

> Story begins right after the scheduled meeting at the cafe, when Donghae comes home.

"He wants to get back together."

 

Kyuhyun stills. Donghae's hand on his face is warm and he tries but can't take a breath and he waits, frozen, for the inevitable.

 

"But I don't."

 

It doesn't process right when Donghae says it. For a moment they are just sounds in the air and then Donghae is smiling just a little and it hits.

 

"Why?" he asks because although he knows only an idiot would ever question their good fortune, he'd been so sure that if it came down to it, if Donghae had to choose between Kyuhyun and Hyukjae, Donghae would choose Hyukjae without a second thought.

 

Donghae's dark brown eyes travel across his face. "Because I'm home now," he says so softly, so gently and Kyuhyun has to duck his head to hide the burning in his eyes.

 

"If you're staying because-"

 

Donghae tugs at him and Kyuhyun looks up. "I love you," Donghae says and kisses him feather light on the lips. "I'm in love with you."

 

\---

_"Don't you love me anymore?"_

_Hyukjae flinches back at the question. At the quiet sadness in Donghae's voice when all his other words had been so loud, so demanding._

_"Donghae…"_

_"What did I do?"_

_"You didn't do anything, Donghae, you didn't do anything wrong."_

_"Then why do you want to leave?" Donghae sounds so small, so confused and Hyukjae digs his nails into his palms in order to not take those five steps separating them and beg Donghae's forgiveness._

_"I can't lose my family." He turns his face away deliberately, "You wouldn't understand," he says knowing Donghae would hate him for it. Because it wasn't true. Donghae had always understood how important family was to him. And Donghae knew the value of family more than anyone because life never granted him one and he had to build it himself, one by one, people he loved and who loved him back._

_He picks up his bag and walks to the door. There will be one less person in Donghae's family from now on._

_"I'm not going to come back." He turns his head and he can see Donghae silhouetted in the afternoon sunlight, frozen in the middle of the living room. "I'm sorry, Donghae."_

 

\---

 

"He wouldn't come out of his room and I think he might have stolen Yoochun's last bottle of vodka."

 

Sungmin freezes as he reaches for Hyukjae's door. "What?"

 

Junsu shrugs although he is frowning in worry. "Yeah… and I might have heard a few things break in there last night."

 

Sungmin knocks on the door. "Hyukjae?"

 

Silence.

 

Sungmin shares a worried look with Junsu.

 

"I'm coming in, okay?" Sungmin calls and opens the door slowly.

 

Hyukjae is sitting on the floor at the foot of his bed, head buried in his knees. Sungmin picks his way through the broken glass on the floor, wrinkling his nose against the smell of alcohol filling up the room. He kneels down beside Hyukjae.

 

"Hyukjae… what happened?"

 

No answer.

 

"What did he say?" Sungmin tries again.

 

Hyukjae makes a low keening sound, like a wounded animal. Sungmin rushes to wrap his arms around Hyukjae. "Hey. Hey. Tell me. Tell me what happened, Hyukjae."

 

Hyukjae topples into him and Sungmin braces his knees against the floor and holds him.

 

"I’ve lost him," Hyukjae whispers into Sungmin's chest. Sungmin feels the words stab into his heart.

 

"Oh Hyukjae," he murmurs against Hyukjae's hair.

 

“It's… why should he have come back after what I did? I'm the fuckup who thinks saying sorry will make everything better," Hyukjae says bitterly.

 

"Listen to me, Hyukjae, don't give up on him okay," Sungmin whispers, fingers combing through Hyukjae's dark hair.

 

"How many chances do I get, hyung? Kyuhyun loves him better than I ever did."

 

"Don't be an idiot, Hyukjae!" Sungmin tugs gently at Hyukjae's hair to emphasise his point. "Donghae will never love anyone better than you. Just like you will never love anyone better than him. Fight for him, Hyukjae, don't let him go so easily."

 

Hyukjae lifts his head and looks at him with hopeful tear stained eyes. "What can I do?" he asks, fingers tangled in Sungmin's shirt.

 

Sungmin leans forward and kisses his forehead. "Come with me."

 

\---

 

"I want to talk to Donghae."

 

Kyuhyun crosses his arms across his chest and lifts his chin. Sungmin's jaw clenches and his eyes move past Kyuhyun, searching for Donghae.

 

"Donghae!"

 

"What do you want Sungmin?" Kyuhyun growls, "Why can't you just leave him alone?"

 

"Stay out of this, Kyuhyun," Sungmin snaps, "This has nothing to do with you."

 

"This has everything to do with me!" Kyuhyun yells.

 

"Kyu, what's- Sungmin hyung!"

 

Kyuhyun clamps his mouth shut and glares but Sungmin's eyes are only for Donghae.

 

"Please don't play with him like this Donghae."

 

"Hyung-"

 

“He came back because of you. Turned his back on his family because of you!”

 

“He turned his back on Donghae first, Sungmin, or have you forgotten?” Kyuhyun snaps.

 

Sungmin is stunned for a moment. He stares at Kyuhyun and understands for the first time who Kyuhyun is to Donghae. He realises that Kyuhyun is one of the few people who have never left Donghae, never broken his heart. And understands what it must mean to Donghae, who has lost so much, to have such a pillar in his life.

 

"Can I talk to you outside for a minute, Donghae?" he asks, looking back at Donghae who is watching them with worried eyes.

 

Donghae makes to step forward but halts at the last minute, looking at Kyuhyun. Kyuhyun closes the distance between them and kisses Donghae lightly on the lips. Then he turns on his heel and leaves, disappearing into the bedroom without a second glance. Donghae stares after him and Sungmin sees the small smile at the corners of his lips and realises that it is futile to try to change things. The war has been fought and won. His heart breaks when he realises what is coming, that the second chance he’d promised Hyukjae, so certain of Donghae’s heart, would never come.  Sungmin takes Donghae’s wrist in a gentle hand and guides him down the stairs.  Donghae follows without complaint until they come to the empty car park and Hyukjae is there, waiting. Donghae freezes and Sungmin lets go of his hand.

 

When Hyukjae falls, knees hitting the asphalt hard as he falls at Donghae's feet, head bowed, Sungmin bites his lip and looks away.

 

"I need you to know that I didn't leave because I didn't love you," Hyukjae pleads. Sungmin sees Donghae stumbling back as if burnt. Hyukjae looks up, tears shining in his eyes. "Donghae…"

 

"Stand up… Please," Donghae whispers, "please, Hyukjae." Hyukjae does, slowly and deliberately like he's 80 instead of 25.

 

"I can't leave him," Donghae says, "I won't."

 

"Do you hate me?"

 

“No.” Donghae takes a step back. “I love him.”

 

There are two people who have never left Donghae, never broken his heart. Hyukjae isn’t one of them.

  

\--- 

 

"Kyuhyun."

 

Kyuhyun sees Changmin just as he is about to sit down at his desk.

 

"Here." Changmin hands him an envelope. "Someone left this for you at reception."

 

Kyuhyun looks down at the envelope in his hands, only his name written at the front.

 

"Who is it from?"

 

Changmin shrugs. Kyuhyun opens the envelope as Changmin sits down at his desk beside Kyuhyun's.

 

It is a photograph. Of Donghae.

 

Donghae is not looking at the camera, instead his eyes are focused somewhere to the side of whoever is taking the photo. His mouth is slightly open as if he is fascinated by whatever he is looking at. Kyuhyun can tell that he's happy just by looking at his eyes, half squinted in a typical Donghae eye-smile. It's easy to tell that whatever or whoever Donghae is looking at holds Donghae’s heart. Kyuhyun feels his heart twist a little in his chest. He can guess who Donghae is looking at and wonders who would be cruel enough to send him such a picture. He turns the photo looking for an explanation.

 

_Can you guess who he is looking at? I always hated this photo, hated that look on his face even when I was taking it. Because he wasn't looking at me._

_He loves you, Kyuhyun.  I'm sorry for the pain I caused. You won't see me again. Goodbye._

_H_

 

Kyuhyun flips the photo back. Donghae is looking at him? He laughs, startling Changmin sitting at the table beside him.

 

"When did this come?"

 

Changmin shrugs. "Five minutes ago?"

 

Kyuhyun runs, gets to the lobby just in time to see a familiar blond head getting in to a taxi. He runs out to the sidewalk just as the taxi pulls out.

 

"Hyukjae!"

 

He is surprised when the window rolls down and Hyukjae leans out of the open window. They look at each other. Kyuhyun standing still on the side walk and Hyukjae moving further and further away.

 

Then Hyukjae smiles, a little half smile with his hair blowing in the wind, and lifts a hand in farewell.

 

Kyuhyun gets to the studio that evening, watches Donghae dance. His beautiful dancer. Donghae smiles idiotically when he spots him, and avoids Shindong's smacking hands to skip over to him. Kyuhyun pulls him in, sweaty clothes and all and kisses him. Donghae laughs in to the kiss and Kyuhyun thinks maybe it is okay to hope a little.

 

Maybe he likes fairy tales after all.

 

***

**Author's Note:**

> Written for Kyuloveshae. Thank you for asking me to write this :)


End file.
